Summer (Sex-Positive) Comedy Show

From our June 2025 live Chicago show, Archy Jamjun, R.C. Riley, Amy Sumpter and Joe Mellen bring the laughs. Plus audiences answer the q, "What's your go-to fantasy?"

Joe Mellen, storyteller 

Amy Sumpter, comic and rapper 

R.C. Riley, writer and performer 

Archy Jamjun, storyteller and comic 

Karen Yates, certified somatic sex educator and energy worker

Show Sponsor: Rowan Tree Counseling

Leave a tip for our work--we'd love $5 or $10 (or more!) to support the monthly costs of our podcast! 

Or join our monthly Patreon members’ club, the Afterglow, for discounts and other goodies! Join now to help us continue to spread the message of sex-positivity.

Free download! Get the guide Say It Better in Bed! 3 Proven Ways to Improve Intimate Communicationby host Karen Yates by going to the Wild & Sublime website.

Are you looking for…?

• Wild & Sublime merch
• Episodes on specific topics
• This episode’s transcript
• Books on sex and relationships

Buzzsprout bonus! Thinking of starting your own podcast? Buzzsprout can help you create, host and promote it! Plus lots of useful tools and resources to streamline the process and level up your pod game. Use our affiliate link for $20 off!

Get tickets to the 7th Anniversary show in Chicago! Oct 12 at 6pm at Lincoln Lodge.

Transcript

Wild & Sublime: Summer (sex-positive) Comedy Show

[Music]

RC Riley  0:00  
As I dropped my son off at the airport to return to campus, I had a heart to heart and explained that I was going to be making some changes in the aforementioned teen cave. My son looked at me like I had just told him I was going to put down his puppy, but I didn't care, because, you see, my heart was in another place. It was pounding in my clit as I anticipated all the fun I was gonna have in my sex room.

Karen Yates  0:38  
Welcome to wild and sublime, a sexy spin on infotainment, no matter your preferences, orientation or relationship style, based on the popular live Chicago show, I chat about sex and relationships with citizens from the world of sex positivity and comedy, you'll hear meaningful conversations, dialogs that go deeper, and information that can help you become more free in your sexual expression. I'm sex educator Karen Yates, our monthly patreon supporters pay for a large part of our operating expenses. Their contributions from $5 on up, help us big time. Plus members get discounts on show tickets and merch and receive wild and sublime news before anyone else and more interested in helping us spread the message of sex positivity, go to patreon.com, forward slash wild and sublime.

Karen Yates  1:35  
Hey folks, it's the end of the summer, and many of you are kicking back, enjoying the time you have left before fall cranks everything up again. So it's a good time for some comedy, namely our all comedy show, which was recorded on June 25 at Lincoln lodge in Chicago. Storytellers and comics performed to a packed house that night, and it was a lot of fun, a lot of laughter. We'll be returning there in a few months for our seventh anniversary show. So sign up for announcements at Wildandsublime.com. I'd love to have you there that live show and today as well, were recorded on the unceded lands of the Council of three fires, the Ojibwe, the Odawa and the Potawatomi nations. Today, we'll hear from four performers along with some of the audience's answers to the prompt. What's your go to sexual fantasy that gets you off the quickest enjoy.

Karen Yates  2:35  
Some of you have already started filling out the prompt. And the prompt is, what's your go to sexual fantasy that gets you off the quickest, like you have five minutes. There's no Wi Fi, so you can't look at porn-- Go! Because I know there's Luddites inside of all of you. So I just want you to scrawl down your real quick, down and dirty go to and I am going to read a couple, because so many of you have already responded to the go-to prompt. Okay, okay. "Pedro Pascal." that's it. [laughter] "Pedro Pascal sucking my earlobe while feeding me chocolate cake while we're watching the Great British Bake Off." Okay? 

Karen Yates 3:38

"A nipple play threesome, because I really want to experience two mouths."  "pregnant with huge tits." Okay? Just really, just straight up. "Either being a cuck queen with my husband and another partner or being airtight with DVP,"  oh, yeah, just lock it all up, having six people love on me at once, one on each breast, one In my mouth, one on each leg, and one in... hee hee hee. [laughter]

"Two men and me in a hotel room. I'm a minimalist." Okay, that is what we are going to start with. I am excited about our first storyteller. Joe Mellen has performed at the Filet of Solo fest, Outspoken and more. Joe is also into gay paranormal romance novels, who isn't who isn't, right? This is his first time at Wild & sublime. So be gentle. Big applause for Joe Mellon. Yeah.

Joe Mellen  5:00  
My cousin has her parents wedding picture hanging in her house, and I love looking at this picture. My aunt is 20 and my uncle is 25 she's beautiful, and he's so handsome, they have that cocky look of unearned confidence that only appears in your 20s. And I love the snapshot in their lives. But my favorite part of the picture is the flower girl, who is my mother. And if I look hard enough, I can see my mother's 83 year old self peeking through the eyes of that 10 year old in the picture. She is trying so hard to play it cool. She has a glint in her eye and half smile on her face, as if to say there's nothing special. This is how I always dress.

Joe Mellen  5:44  
And I love looking at that picture. I love looking at old pictures, even when I don't know the people. And I once stayed at Starved Rock Lodge, and my room was decorated with pictures of when Starved Rock was a logging camp. And my favorite picture was a group picture of 32 men taken in 1937.

Joe Mellen  6:04  
I studied the picture, and I thought how different their lives must have been in 1937. I wondered if any of the older ones were in World War One, or any of the younger ones were in World War Two. It was 1937. And I thought, I bet none of these men are circumcised.

Joe Mellen  6:25  
And then I stopped thinking about the picture and started thinking about uncircumcised penises. It was an uncircumcised penis that saved my sex life, or at the very least changed its trajectory.

Joe Mellen  6:38  
I used to have a love hate relationship with blow jobs. I loved giving them, and people hated getting them. For me, this probably started in college when I got my first blow job. It was by a woman named Jody. I had fought the idea of intimacy with her because I knew I was gay, and I didn't want to hurt her, but it really wasn't ready to come out, and somehow offering my penis to her for a blow job seemed the easiest way to stay in the closet.

Joe Mellen  7:19  
It turned out being to be a life changing experience. I mean, I remember looking down and she was enjoying herself, and I felt so connected, and I felt like an adult. I also remember thinking, how is she getting the whole thing in her mouth? I mean, I'm not huge in the dick department, but I'm not exactly small. And she was a very small woman, but I didn't think of that for long, because I started making noises that I had never made before, and she didn't make a sound. And when it was over, she looked up at me with a glint in her eye and a half smile on her face, as if to say, There's nothing special. This how I always suck dick.

Joe Mellen  8:09  
And then she said, I don't have a gag reflex. At first, I thought she was one of a kind with this no gag reflex thing. But then none of the women I was with in college had a gag reflex. Both of them took the entire thing in their mouth while I moaned and gasped. I made all the noise, and neither of them made a sound, and that's how I thought it was supposed to be. And then I moved to Boys Town in 1993

Joe Mellen  9:18  
Eventually, I started dating a guy, and he did, let me repeat and try again, until one time he stopped me and said, you know, Joe, blow jobs just aren't your thing. Now I'm lucky, because I live in Chicago, which is a city of bottoms.

Joe Mellen  10:45  
I found a niche, but every once in a while, I would look down and I would think, Oh, I wish I was the one sucking dick. Then one night, I picked up a guy from Romania, but when we got back to my place, he asked me to suck his dick, and I said, I thought we went over this at the bar, he said, Oh, I want to suck your dick too, which is, I want you to do it first, just for a little bit, please. Now, I don't generally like the bait and switch, but he was really hot, and I really wanted to do it. And he was going to be leaving the country in two days, so if it was a bad experience, I'd never see him again. I told him, you're not going to like it.

Joe Mellen  11:28  
And he said, let me be the judge of that. So I agreed, just for a minute, but when I took it out, it looked different than what I was expecting. He was uncircumcised. I mean, I'd heard of them before, but I had never seen one up close. I know now you can't throw a rock in a gay bar without hitting one, but back then, they were very uncommon. I was a slut, and I had never seen one before. He noticed that I paused and didn't know what to do, so he gave me some instructions. He said, Just put the tip in your mouth and then your tongue between my skin and my dick head. And somehow, because he was uncircumcised, it seemed that there were no rules. And so I didn't try to put the whole thing in. I did just what he told me to do, and he went crazy. I was enjoying myself. He was enjoying himself, and he grasped the top of my head and started pulling me closer, which was way different than that normal feeling of them holding my head in place as they slowly backed up. I panicked, and I stopped him. I said, you know, I'm sorry I can't do this. I'm gonna gag. And he looked at me straight in the eye, and he said, I want you to choke on it. Now, I had heard that expression before, but I thought it was just an expression. I hate slurping and gagging sounds. I hate it when I'm eating. I hate it when I'm watching television, and I can't stand it during sex. And I thought everyone was like me. It turns out everyone is not like me, and so I made slurping and gagging and choking noises all night long, and he made noises too. And when it was all over, I looked up at him with a glint in my eye and a half smile on my face, as if to say, There's nothing special. This how I always I I know I look a lot like my mother, and I'm sure I live just like she did in that picture all those years ago. This story happened 25 years ago, and Carl Jung did say, what we resist persists. And when I was resisting my gag reflex, it just got worse. But now that I've stopped worrying about it, I barely have it. But even if I don't feel like I have to gag, I always gag at least once, just to be polite. [applause]

Karen Yates  13:57  
Our next performer is bold and badass, and that is something I personally aspire to. Amy Sumpter is a comic and rapper and the co host of the Kates, a show here at the lodge that will begin a regular engagement the first Friday of every month, starting in August. Plus, and I think this is very special, she is the lead in an all female Beastie Boys tribute band called she's crafty. Help me welcome Amy Sumter,

Amy Sumpter  14:31  
Hello. What if I stood like this? The whole show, just like aggressive crotch out. You know what I mean. Awesome. Hello. I'm Amy Sumter, how's everybody doing tonight? I love that. It's a Wednesday night. We're talking about fucking like, That's fucking awesome. Okay, usually when I get on stage, I really like to high kick, but I don't feel like it's safe here. You know what I mean, a little too small of a space. I will take that TV down. Also, sometimes when I wear a skirt, people are like, aren't you afraid? You're. To show your underwear, and I'm like, No, it's covered in pubic hair. You won't see anything. You're good. You're good. Also, I'm really glad that we are talking about sex and sexual fantasies, because I have been trying to manifest sex just having sex, like I need to go to pound town. You know what I mean, like I need to get my pussy popped, is that is, like, am I being clear? Like, am I yeah, I feel like, you know, writing with intention, really trying to manifest it. In the past, I have had really long dry spells. We're not going to talk about that, though, because I don't want you to be depressed, okay, and because it made me depressed. But the thing is, like, I finally feel like I've got to pound town, but I can't find parking. Okay? I'm just driving around aimlessly looking for parking. And then sometimes I'll see somebody walking and I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna park this car. And they're just walking around, like, just meandering in pound town. And then sometimes I'll see someone in there, sitting in their car, and I'm like, Are you coming? Are you going? Are you coming? Are you going? And they just fucking live in pound town. And that is upsetting, and I'm very jealous. 

Amy Sumpter  16:03  
And then sometimes you're like, you're going down that line of cars, and I'm like, Oh yeah, there's a spot little car. No. And again, I'm not trying to shame anybody, but I have been there and I have done that. And no, thank you. Okay, when you have to tell a 45 year old man that he is not actually inside of you. You talking to your therapist about that, okay? So, yeah, her jaw was open. That's not a bit. That was my life, okay? That was like, I like, that was the last time before the dry spell, and because I was just like, never again, you know? And then, not to brag, I have a tilted uterus, so I can't wear tampons, but, yeah, that's right. I know-- everybody got real quiet--yeah, so with my ex boyfriend, we'd have to use a pillow, because I was just like, Okay, you're in, yeah, an old boy was pretty, you know, saying, like, it was, it was, he was very well in doubt. He also was much shorter than me. He was five six. I'm a tall, luscious lady. I am six feet tall. You're welcome, and we made it work. And I'm about to talk about intimate details, because he ghosted me, and if you make me cry, everything is on the fucking table, okay? I'm also a lady in her 40s, and perimenopause is a knock, knock, knocking on my fucking door. Okay, I got brain fog. I kind of think I've always had brain fog, though, because I've always said the wrong words for things. So I'm gonna set this up a little bit so I can't sleep at night. This so far, it's okay. Thank FUCKING GOD, the juice is loose. But, you know, like dry skin, dandruff, brain fog, insomnia, hot flashes, I will 100% get a hot flash in front of all of you tonight, because that's just how my body betrays me now, and I 100% will have a night sweat, and I will wake up and my pillow will be wet. Okay, that's how just aggressive my body is. Like, get rid of the juice. And I'm like, No, not yet, but I digress. 

Amy Sumpter  18:03  
So I have always said the wrong word or mispronounced words, and I believe there is a word for that, malapropism, but I'm pretty sure I'm saying that word wrong because that's just who I am as a human and when I was in high school and I was in Driver's Ed. I came home to my mom. I was so excited, because I was like, Ma, we use now. I have to think about it before I do this joke, because I'm gonna fuck it up, because that's what my brain does. We use the stimulators at work, at school today, the stimulators. And my mom was like, Amy, you use the simulators. There is a difference. And I was a big fat virgin for a real long time, so I didn't know. I was like, I don't what's the big it's a letter. There's a big difference. So then later on, I used to be a school photographer, and we'd always have to change out equipment. So one day I had to get a new backdrop. So I go into my boss's office, and he's a very conservative man, and I was like, Hey, Jack, are the Muslims in the basement? And he was like, Amy, they're Muslims. We do not have Muslims in the basement. And again, I was just like, I don't hear the difference, because that's what my brain does. And when I was just dating my ex boyfriend who ghosted me again, he was very well endowed, and I would refer to his penis as a baby-arm dick. But then in the heat of the moment, I would say baby Dick arm. And that does not go over very well, like, but he was, he was very kind, even though he goes to be and we would laugh about it, but I did it all the time. And of course, like, in the heat of passion, like, give me that baby-Dick arm. Like, it doesn't, kind of, you know, like, yeah, oh. So I had a dentist who, like, I grind my teeth real, real bad, so I wear a mouth guard. So that's what I was bringing to that relationship. And I'm saying no shame. I'll put that mouth guard in because I'm a grind them down to nubs. So every time I go to the dentist, they're always like, you're using your night guard. I'm like, absolutely if I take a nap, I got my mouth guarded if I'm in bed, I'm like, oh so cozy. And like, whoo. Like, mouth guard isn't in. I gotta put it in. 

Amy Sumpter  20:26  
But one time I was at the dentist, he's like, you know, your back molar, it's really sharp. I'm gonna, I'm gonna file that down for you. And I was just like, what's the big deal? And then later on, I realized was like, he was thinking about my dick sucking skills, because I probably could have sliced some ham, you know what I mean? So I know horrifying. That's probably why I cannot get laid. But you know, no big deal. I'm just like, Hey, fellas, these teeth will slice your dick. All right, no big deal. But now we're all good. We're all good. No complaints from the baby Dick arms. So we're all good. Yeah. And I have been doing the apps. I hate calling them the apps, because then I just want appetizers. Yeah? I mean, I want mozzarella sticks. But I have been doing online dating for so long. I was on Yahoo Personals. That's right, that's right, I know. And yeah, that's I know. That's not a flex. You know what I mean? Like, I am aware, but at the same time I'm like, I'm sorry. Was I a pioneer? Okay, was I a pioneer of online dating? I think I might have been, but I did the Yahoo Personals. And this is when you can just create a profile, and you don't have to put a photo like, What the fuck? And I was contacted by a gentleman, and I'll use that term loosely, because he started it strong. And again, I am not yucking anybody's Yum, not at all. But he started it off with, you know, no photo. I know you like Nickelback. No, thank you. And he was like, I find you very attractive. I was like, stop, go on. And he said that he wanted me to dominate him, and he wanted to admire my armpits. Now we're gonna, we're gonna break this down. Even though I was on Yahoo Personals, this was still at a time where there were specific websites, you know what I mean. Like, he could have found some armpit love somewhere else, you know. And I'm not gonna get, I'm not gonna eat that young like, good for you, you know what you want, all right, but like, just because I'm a tall, luscious babe doesn't mean I want to be dominated, and it also did not say anything about domination in my profile. So I took a little bit of a no thank you, so I didn't respond. But I have to admit, like, I'm a feminist and I want a quality. Also in the bedroom, the only place I want to dominate anything is at the break room at work with the donuts, because I fucking love donuts. But also, whoever the fuck is cutting donuts into 18 I want to kick their ass, right? Eat the whole fucking doughnut. Okay, there's no such thing as bad and good food. Everybody has an eating disorder. I get it like we all have distorted eating I understand. But take the whole fucking doughnut, or you get three friends. You cut them into fourths, and now you all get a piece of the doughnut, all right, and now we're not desecrating donuts at work. All right, life is hard enough. I want a full fucking doughnut. All right, thank you. Thank you. But also, I have to admit, you know, like when somebody points something out to you, like, one time I was, you know, I was talking to a friend, and she's like, Oh yeah, in the morning, when I put my bras around, sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to line up my nipples and make sure they're going the right way. And I was like, 20 minutes, like, what the fuck like, that's too long to be looking at your nips. But then one day, I was driving, and I was at 10 and two, and then I was like, so again, anytime I my asshole, anytime I judge, it always comes back to me. So every once in a while, I'll be in the shower and I'll be washing my hair, and then I'll gaze upon my armpit, and I'll think, would they have been good enough? I'll never know. I'm Amy Sumter. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful night.

Karen Yates  24:16  
[to listener] Did you know wild and sublime's twice monthly newsletter has sex news, views and tips you can use delivered to your inbox, plus info on the latest pod episodes and upcoming live shows. Sign up at Wild and sublime.com. 

Karen Yates  24:32  
[to live audience] I want to thank full color life therapy--Therapy for all of you --our monthly sublime supporter. Pat Cochran, I know you're not here tonight, but thank you so much, and a very they are the back there. A very big thanks to Rowan Tree counseling for being a show sponsor tonight. Ongoing sponsor, Rowan Tree counseling, anti racist, queer ally, poly affirming, Sex-positive is here to help. 

Karen Yates  24:59  
All right. More prompts: "either being the only one naked or the only one with clothes on." Oh, I like I like that. That's very specific. Little, little unexpected. "Cate Blanchett being a little mean to me." 

Karen Yates  25:20  
Yeah. Did anyone see Black Bag? She was a little mean in that. Whoever wrote that tip, if you haven't seen it... "my wife being sexually aggressive with someone, example, picking up a man or a woman at a bar." I like that. Yeah. Okay. 

Karen Yates  25:43  
Our next guest was on wild and sublime several years ago and gave a powerful performance, very powerful. They're back tonight with something a little lighter. RC Reilly is a writer, performer and activist who, in July, will be doing a solo show, sex race and Jesus as part of Steppenwolf. Look Out series. Look out tonight, they'll be doing a story about how to build a sex room. Help me welcome RC Riley,

RC Riley  26:12  
so I just knew that owning my own home wasn't in the cards for me. You see, a home was supposed to be where my ex wife and I raised our little boy that we brought to life together, but that dream never came true. Sure, I would watch HGTV and dream of a day where I would have my own walls to bust through with the heaviest sledge hammer a non binary female presented human could well I would look at my carpeted apartment floor and wonder if hard wood or laminate lay beneath after the drive into Elmhurst from work in Elgin, I would stop at Home Depot just to peruse the paint colors, get a waft of unstained wood and touch the very thickness of those colored blue and silver tarps. If I couldn't have a home, I would have the next best thing, the Home Depot. This became my happy place. You all. So when my son graduated from eighth grade and I was able to dangle keys in front of him as a gift, I was so freaking proud, and I wanted to give my son the best personal space ever, so I gave him the entire run of the basement. Heck, I didn't like to do laundry anyway, so I put life size canvas art of his favorite Marvel and DC characters on the walls. Purchased curved computer monitors, gaming chairs had his name stenciled on the walls. Gave him the biggest TV in the house and a sofa bed so that he could stay in his team K forever, if he pleased. And as you can imagine, my son loved it. He only left that space to eat and use the restroom in that order. Now, for years I didn't really know what my basement looked like. My male friends told me that my son didn't need to have the run of the entire basement. My mom friends would tell me that I needed to know what he was doing down there, but honestly, I wanted to give him his space to grow, to explore and to feel safe knowing that while he was growing and exploring I was not going to intrude. Now, this went on for four full years, until I was left with an empty nest. So during his high school years, I was forced to masturbate in near silence for fear that my son would walk upstairs and get creeped out, hearing a whimper as I reached my point of ecstasy. 

RC Riley  28:41  
Now this torture went on for those four long, sexually stifling years. I hid the lube, the toys and my leather riding crop, just so that in his teen stage, he wouldn't sneak in my room and out of curiosity put his pubescent hands on them. I'd have to burn them. Then, surely I hid them so well, in fact, that when I returned home from his college orientation out of state, I couldn't find hide nor hair of my beautiful riding crop, my very first leather bra or my waist-cinching corset. I was beset with fear. Oh no. I thought my son found my kink kit and my leather will be lost forever!

RC Riley  29:24  
 I raced to the bedroom and tore off his sheets, and then I flung open all the drawers, I dumped pounds of boys stuff out of them and still came up with nothing. I remembered then: the morning of his eighth grade graduation, I had all of my leather and kink business in the basement storage room, so I raced down the first flight of stairs, then the second, and I flung the storage door wide open, so 20 bins and 30 minutes later, I had uncovered it all. It's raining leather! Hallelujah! It's raining leather! Da and there it began, sitting on my couch wearing nothing but a bra that fit my neck better than my breasts, a corset across my thighs because it sounded like it was gonna crack right before my eyes, I turned on Netflix. I searched for that post pandemic show that merged my two favorite worlds, home remodeling and sex. It's called "How to build a sex room." I became obsessed with the show I needed the host, Melanie Rose to make my home three levels of sex, sex, and mo sex. 

RC Riley  30:45  
I told everyone I could about my plans to have Melanie Rose transform my home. And everyone said the same thing, what about your son? Listen here, my catering to the kid days were gone. The moment he turned into a legal adult, I felt no more allegiance to the "put the kid first" mindset. This was my home. I paid the mortgage, and I could walk downstairs without sending a warning text if I wanted to. Yes, there would be no more holding my breath during orgasms. For over a year, I plotted and I planned. I even took advantage of a small argument with my son and blew it up into a big one--parents understand--just so I could retaliate by taking all those life-size canvases off the wall. By the New Year, I could take it no more as I dropped my son off at the airport to return to campus. I had a heart-to-heart and explained that I was going to be making some changes in the aforementioned teen cave. My son looked at me like I had just told him I was going to put down his puppy. But I didn't care, because, you see, my heart was in another place. It was pounding in my clit as I anticipated all the fun I was gonna have in my sex room. 

RC Riley  32:12  
Finally, I could order all those items that were in my carts, from Amazon to Moo. Etsy and you know, Home freaking Depot. Yes, I purchased so much the three credit cards declined over a two day period. Now, after 23 straight hours of shopping for all the sex room stuff I could imagine, I went on to search for contractors, yes, because I just had to have that shower that hillbillies got in episode two. Watch it. Watch it! I grabbed my bedside hammer and tape measure, then headed to the basement to put the first hole in that dry wall. Yet before that first swing, the still small voice said to me, "order a bigger hammer, and it won't take as long. " And so the saga continued for three more weeks. I wanted that shower, but my throbbing clit wouldn't wait for a contractor. So the sledge hammer would be returned and the wall would remain for now, I decided on an area that would be a dressing room with soft, sexy wallpaper, a huge wall mirror and pictures of women from the 40s, but super sexy in all ethnicities. They were kissing each other. I wanted plush pillows and a soft, fluffy throw rug. Then in the larger area, I wanted black faux leather on the walls, a St Andrew's Cross in the corner, a queening chair against the east wall, a tantric chaise in the middle of the room, bed, restraints, rope for shabaris, specular butt plugs, vibrators, ball gags, flaggers, paddles, blindfolds and that prickly wheel thingy. I wanted it all in this space, and of course, more bare breasts and vaginas on the wall. I spent weeks putting up the wallpaper. I called friends to help me drill the St Andrews cross to the wall, and I finally got it together my monogrammed hangers. Yes, I said that. I'm fancy. My monogrammed hangers said RC, sex room established, 2-12-2024. My sagging breast clapped as I jumped for joy, and when that last neon light was hung, this was indeed the place.

RC Riley  34:32  
 I slowly slid onto my new red satin sheet. I briefly wondered why Tamu only sold a fitted sheet and no top. Then I cranked up the heat and strapped myself into the bed restraints, first my ankles, then my left arm. Then, well, I had to imagine my right arm was restrained, but I lay there fantasizing about everything you all could never imagine. As I writhed in my new world, I suddenly felt a calmness overtake me and tears began to flow. I shouted, hallelujah! Thank you, God, I'm finally free! I smiled as I got out of the bed restraints and tried out the swing, I felt the air enter me as I practiced my Kegel exercises, there was a queef for sure, and I giggled, enjoying the sensations and sounds of my own body. I somehow got into another restraint that had me on my back in like a dying cockroach position that quickly turned into the best lower back and gluten hamstring stretch ever. My neck was fully supported. There was no strain anywhere. I had everything I needed within me. I pleasured myself for hours, fantasizing, touching, tasting, spanking, pinching, nipple clamping, flogging myself. You can do it, and it was liberating. I had never felt so safe during sexual intimacy in my life. I had never been that free, and it was just me. This went on for months, and then my son called for me to pick him up from the airport for the summer. I have been enjoying my space so much that I didn't even consider how this would all look when he walked in. How would I explain all of this? I thought, would I need a lock on the basement door? How would he do laundry? 

RC Riley  36:40  
With only three hours to spare, I devised a plan. First, get him an Uber to the house. Yeah, I'm not picking him up. Okay. Number two, get these sexy pictures off the wall. I purchased huge bins and not the clear ones, okay. I put all the toys and the pictures in. I packed up the louver, the dental dams, the non Latex gloves. I was drenched with sweat, but it had but I had done it. I had put it all away. I removed everything but the sexy wallpaper, and that bought me some time to talk to my son when he came home. He came home immediately went down to his teen cave to crash, and he shouted out my name as quickly as he hit that last step. I rushed downstairs, thinking he had broken his ankle or something, but oh no, it was much worse than that. So much worse I had forgotten to take down the St Andrews cross. There were squishy like flesh lights on the floor. Apparently I dropped them right outside the storage door when I was pushing everything in, and right in front of his gaming chair was my big blow up tantric chaise. Wait y'all, it gets better with my cum stains right on the red I need to clean up after myself. 

RC Riley  38:07  
You know, come on, it's not just me. Needless to say, we were both mortified. We couldn't even look at each other for days. I ended up removing the items I forgot to hide before His return, and returning his life size Marvel heroes to the wall, covering the hooks and the rings. I had to give in the space would have to be a shared space with me, using it when he was on breaks, and him having it when he was home. So the lesson I learned here is, never give your damn kid the basement, because you never know when you might want to turn it into a sex room.

Karen Yates  38:55  
More prompts y'all came through. I'm really I'm excited. "go to fantasy: getting it on with a hot vampire Lady. Love Bites." "I have lots of fantasies, but Karen is in most of them." No, I'm like, seriously, like, oh my goodness, I'm gonna frame that. I'm gonna put that on the refrigerator. Oh, "sex toy sales rep going door to door, needs my help testing products." Yes, yes, indeed, yes indeed. Let's see. Let's see one more. Oh yes, "choking." Our next performer, I am really excited about this next person, storyteller and comic, Archy Jamjun has been on the show and podcast numerous times. He is the curator for the long standing Outspoken LGBTQ plus storytelling series at sidetrack, and a two-time winner of the Moth Grand Slam. Okay, I know that's an Ooh. That is total Ooh. Please help me welcome Archy Jamjun, 

Archy Jamjun  40:24  
Hi everyone. This is kind of weird, but make some noise. My first boyfriend from moving when I moved back to Chicago from college is here tonight, so I guess the first thing I should say is I'm sorry I was quite the asshole at that age. Sorry about that. 

Archy Jamjun  40:43  
I'm embarrassed by my taste in music. I'm such a common gay. Madonna, musicals, Kylie Minogue. I came out of the closet to the Spice Girls, and that image of Britney Spears with her shaved head and Umbrella bat, it sums up my 20s and is just as important as her album Blackout, which, if you're a power bottom of a certain age you consider worthy of a Pulitzer. I was on the phone with my B a few weeks ago when he said, Baby, I just heard an Ariana song, and it made me think of you. While no one would ever accuse me of being a deep thinker, sometimes the mirror's reflection asks more questions than it answers. I have no shame for my Ari stanhood. She should have won that damn Oscar, and I'm aware she's a traumatized Disney star who kind of changes her race with each album and - ugh-  still a pregnant woman's husband. I mean, we're all works in progress, but last fall, she became my obsession, because not only did the Wicked marking machine completely work on me, but I actually find kinship with the way her lyrics muse about love. I mean, we're basically twins: "if you take too long to hit me back/ I can't promise you how I react/ but all I can say is, at least I'll wait for you." "I'm gonna scream and shout for what I love/ passionate, but I don't give no fucks/ I admit I'm a little messed up, but I can hide it when I'm out/ I can hide it when I'm all dressed up." 

Archy Jamjun  42:25  
In my 16th year of being 29, I'd really be like to be more complex, wise and mature than this, but I am not. When I have a heart to heart conversation about dating with my 19 year old niece. I'd like to stop feeling like we are peers. I've been dating longer than she has been alive, and she's like, "Uncle Archy, you can't change people." And I'm like, "I don't know. I think you can... a little bit for at least a while."

Archy Jamjun  43:01  
I'm a middle aged, romantic Hufflepuff. How did I get here? I think it might be at least partly my gay ass taste in music. The year was 1999 and I was in boy love for the first time with Matt Lubegan. I was going to school in Champaign-Urbana, and he was a blue collar hottie working in Rockford at a garden hose factory. He sent me pics of him in his work jumper--sexy--as we chat on AOL M4M. He said the distance would be too much. I pined for this man, not only because he reminded me of AC Slater, but we both loved Madonna. "Sooner or later, you're gonna be mine, baby. It's time that you faced it. I always get my man." I would croon these lyrics from Magic song and Dick Tracy on my dorm room floor. And while I hadn't come out to my roommate, between moments like that and watching Golden Girls on a loop, I dare say that, unlike life as Madonna sings in "Like a Prayer," my homosexuality was no mystery. 

Archy Jamjun  44:11  
I drove six hours to hook up with Matt in the back of his mom's Geo Tracker while it was parked in their garage, and while I thought such a romantic beginning would obviously lead to marriage, we only lasted a few months, despite the fact that I was adorable, and as he said, must have done that before. And in my gay heartbreak, I remember thinking, How will I ever find another boyfriend who loves Madonna? Still looking when my heart is broken, I turn to the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack every time I need Whitney to tell me it's okay to lose; I just need to Shoop. Shoop. I need Toni Braxton to say, "if love brings pain into your life, don't be afraid to let it go." And I need Aretha to remind me that even the Queen of Soul has "hurt like hell." I have sobbed to those songs while cleaning kitty litter and in the middle of the Eisenhower. Babyface's music sets the vibe, and the words sung by those divas gives me the comfort to know that one day, as the Shakespeare of our times, Nicki Minaj says, "I will be in a new place, sitting on a new face."

Archy Jamjun  45:39  
Honestly, it makes sense that Ariana Grande is my current pop muse. I like my men, including myself, pretty and problematic. I celebrated Valentine's day in New York City this past year, and as B and I waited for a midnight F train that ticked the date from the 13th to the 14th, he put an earbud in one of each of our ears and pressed play "to be young and in love in New York City, to not know who I am, but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me. Damn, I like me better when I'm with you." We looked into each other's eyes, cried, and then we made out because love is gross, but like Ari sings, and sometimes I want moments like that tattooed on my mind, even if it's with someone who once defended his actions by saying, "baby, I don't think I have object permanency," which is the ability to realize someone exists even when you can't see them. It is a skill we develop as infants. He's not allowed to hear that joke. I am just one bee to that boo. He's a polyamorous pansexual, which is a lot of syllables for the word slut. When I told him that joke, he said, I feel like you really understand me. Years ago, on our third date, he gave me his annotated copy of Ethical Slut. What a fucking groomer.

Archy Jamjun  47:22  
I find multiple relationships to be freeing, but also a lot, because sometimes intimacy just means getting to know how you're each crazy and how many text messages from how many people am I supposed to answer every fucking day?? To be honest, I am more of an affectionate hoe, the kind of pillow princess that makes Ari's version of "Popular" a Grindr theme song. It sounds like a lot of fun, and it is. But like Blanche Devereaux, the goddess slut from Golden Girls, says, "I'm happy most of the time, but it isn't easy being Blanche Devereux." It does begin to take its toll. I cry every Thursday night. Sometimes I miss the idea of love that pop songs tend to give you, of someone vowing to see me and only me through the rest of our life together. But these days, I feel like I already have a lot of love in my life, romantic and otherwise, through my cosmos of lovers, friends, communities and sometimes battery-powered objects... like a Kindle. When I first unintentionally met one of my partner's lovers at a party RC threw, I cried in Elizabeth's car and drunk journaled for a week because I knew I had a choice: lean in or leave. Two months later, after a lot of conversations and a lot of reassurance, I was joking around with them at a party. It isn't always gravy, but I have more compersion than I have jealousy these days, and that kind of shit makes me feel like life is full of possibilities. "Uncle Archy, you can't change people." I'm not sure how much anyone can change, but I'm pretty sure people can help you grow, and I'm 100% that I want to keep doing that. Thank you everyone.

Karen Yates  49:32  
Thank you for listening. Wild & sublime is supported in part by our sublime supporter, full color life therapy, therapy for all of you at full color lifetherapy.com know someone who'd like this episode, send it to them, and we'd love a review or a rating on your podcast. App, you can follow us on Facebook and Instagram. At wild and sublime, got feedback or an inquiry. Contact us at info. At wild and sublime.com I'd like to thank our design guru, Jean-Francois Gervais and editor Christine Ferrara. Our music is by David Ben-Porat. This episode is part of the Lincoln lodge Podcast Network. You.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai